9/19/15: Cross Country Meet

faint rumble

of thunder—so many feet

become a herd


5 thoughts on “9/19/15: Cross Country Meet

    • Do you mean herd (heard) or becoming (flattering / befitting)? I like wordplay too (obviously). I sometimes worry I’m just being clever… and am never sure what I’m writing are really haiku or senryu or not either. Thanks for visiting! –D

      • Hey – a quick stream of response this saturday morning:

        Certainly herd/heard.

        Not sure I understand your second reference re “becoming -” but would like to. Do you mean the piece at large as a piece of wordplay rather than the homonym herd/heard? 🙂

        As far as the haiku, I think the clever is what you shoot for – no? There is formal structure that one can follow or there is what each of us makes of it. When I think haiku I think syllables and line count for general Frame, then “First line from personal point of view, 2nd line a natural point of view, third line some universal truth.” And sometimes forget about all that and just go for the flow in the Frame. I find you can usually find something clever to hook on.

        My problem is that I don’t rewrite enough. When I do the piece moves up in class.

        What I like about Cross Country Meet:
        You set the stage with “faint rumble.” Faint/feint is another wordplay. I like the dash you use in the middle of the Frame, visually and as a way to pair thunder and feet. I like the “of” clause starting the second line. I break a lot of my lines with “of.” I pronounce your last line like an Italian immigrant would: Becumma’heard. 🙂

  1. “become a herd” is also an imperative and that makes for interesting interpretations as well. So of a lot of the stuff up on wordpress this morning, yours is a pretty good read. —CC

    • What a treat to receive such thorough comments! In reference to “become,” I was thinking of the synonym of “suit,” like in a becoming (or flattering) garment, something appropriate to the circumstance or condition—in this case, thunder and feet suit a herd.

      I love your description of a haiku’s structure, though I’m going to try to un-learn it now. I see myself framing and picking a natural point of view and offering universal truth… but mostly I try to get everything said in three lines. That’s hard enough.

      Thank you for taking the time to write. I really appreciate it. –D

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